Smarty Pants and the Credit Card Drama

I don’t get put in Timeout very often. I’m pretty even keeled, as a rule. It takes a lot to get me really worked up. Alas, if you do, duck and cover. It’s not pretty. I will retaliate quickly and decisively, attacking not only you, but your livelihood and anything else I can get my hands on.

Anyway, I shop online a lot. Mostly big chains with good reputations. I’ve never had any trouble before. The other day I got onto my computer and noticed my credit card balance had jumped higher than I thought it should be. I logged in to check it, dismayed I’d let it get so far out of hand.

Wait a minute...I didn’t buy that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Nearly $1000 worth of merchandise had been purchased on my credit card. Sigh...some little punk had gotten hold of my information. I was so furious I would’ve crushed his testicles in a vice if I’d been able to get a hold of them.

I call the bank, cancel my credit card and fax them a letter to start the dispute process.

Then I contacted the vendors. I have to say Books a Million was great. Their fraud specialist gave me all the information on the orders and immediately sent a refund request for my card. The other place wasn’t as helpful, claiming they had a privacy policy. Whatever. I paid for it, I should be told what I ordered and where I had it shipped. They were able to confirm that the items were shipped to the same city and state that the Books a Million orders were delivered.

I could’ve let it go at that point, but I’m vindictive. I Googled the address and found out it was a radio station in a small Kentucky town. So small that the police station was a block from the place where the items were delivered. I called and spoke with the police station and they knew who the guy was. Apparently only 4 people work there and only one has that last name. He probably thought he was being sneaky having the items sent to his work instead of his home.

I could say that I’m mad because I was a victim of crime. Really, I’m not. It happens more than people would like to think. My bank is handling it just fine. I’m mad because I was robbed by an idiot. I mean if you’re going to steal from me, at least be smart about it. Don’t make it so easy for me to catch you. I watch a lot of Law and Order and Murder She Wrote – I expected this to be more difficult. Honestly, I’d like to know how someone this stupid got my credit card information. I’m suspicious he bought it from someone selling numbers they hacked.

So I’m waiting to hear what happens as the police track down the details before they go and arrest this guy. Apparently he also ordered on another woman’s credit card, so the felonies are racking up. Federal offense and all. I’m fairly certain this guy is going to jail. I’m getting a sick pleasure just thinking about it.

And a warning to anyone out there thinking of messing with me at some point in the future...I hope you look good in orange.